These Phrases shared by My Dad Which Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple words "You're not in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to talk amongst men, who still absorb harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a show of being weak to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to take a break - spending a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel swamped, tell a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."